Interruptions and How to Handle Them

Interruption is an impactful breach. In fact, few things destroy our interpersonal lives quite like it.

A top criterion for any friend should be that person’s ability to listen well, without interruption. The same goes for a great therapist.^[1]In seeming direct contradiction to this therapists on occasion may interrupt. But this should be calculated, occurring only after having listened deeply.

People have a need to be heard. It’s a sentiment that I’ve allowed to constructively affect my work in private practice. As a therapist I’ve seen the benefit that my prolonged listening, and the increased understanding it provides, has on others. (Likewise on me when my therapist listens.)

Yet in the so-called real world interruptions are routine. So why do people interrupt? And how does one handle it constructively when they do?

Why people interrupt

We can cite many reasons why people interrupt, but I would say that interruption largely comes down to one factor: anxiety.

Perhaps they feel they’ll forget the thought, or they won’t understand the rest of what’s said if they don’t get immediate clarification. Perhaps they feel they’re being misunderstood or misrepresented, wronged or slighted, or merely that what was said was simply inaccurate. Sometimes they’re seeking control and power (i.e., to show that what they have to say is more important), or provocation (they wish to disrupt), or that now is the only moment to effectively share their own thought. Perhaps they’re merely exuberant.

In each instance they exhibit a lack of tolerance for containing the thought and they act instead on an impulse to discharge it.  This impulse negatively affects another, undermining one’s own creative, intellectual and verbal space. But it also self-sabotages the person doing it, undermining the trust and reciprocal connection that deep dialogue provides.

So interruption needs to be dealt with. The question of course is how.

Our role in being interrupted

Before getting to solutions we also need to look within. Examining the role we might play in being interrupted and making any needed adjustments only helps our cause.

A tell-tale sign that one may be inducing others with an impulse to interrupt is if it happens with many people across myriad situations.

People may routinely interrupt us if we do not get to the point and tend to ramble. Likewise if we show a lack of confidence, and if we fail to make a connection with our listener through things like eye contact. They may also interrupt if it feels like we monopolize the larger conversation.

Being honest about our role in these things, and then adjusting ourselves, goes a long way toward shoring up constructive, fruitful dialogue.

How to handle interruptions

The first order of business is to observe the interruption. “Observe” is used here because it’s different than respond or react. Interruption, as we’ve seen, is an emotional response and one needs to slow down enough to not get forced into an equally emotional response.

So you see the interruption. Now it’s time to take a deep breath and relax the shoulders. A further brief pause can help.

From here you need to be direct, stating what you have experienced. You can say simply, “May I finish?” Or “I see you have something to share,” with an added, “would you mind holding that thought until I’m finished?” Or, “I want to get your feedback but I’d like to make sure you actually hear my perspective first.” Or “I value your input. But, if you’ll let me finish my thoughts we can then have an open conversation about them. Thank you.”

You can also state your needs simply: “In order for us to have a conversation I need to be able to finish my thoughts.”

A good partner will respond to these with sensitivity and respect.

Some people have difficulty with spontaneous confrontation. In this case the interruption may be dealt with at a later time. That later time, however, should be scheduled and not put off.

With someone who is a known interruptor it can be effective to preempt them: “There are many key points to this story. I want to share all of them with you first. And then I’d love to get your insights.”

Lastly, if all options fail you can simply look away or, if necessary, smile and politely walk away.